This has been a week that I needed.  Tuesday afternoon Mike and I took off with some friends and went to the festival of lights at the Cincinnati Zoo.   It was amazing.  The lights were just beautiful.  We took a train ride where we listened to my new favorite Christmas song "Christmas Cannon" by Trans Siberian Orchestera which also had a light show around the lake.   We all rode the carousel.  We munched on hot roasted cinnamon almonds and gingerbread men.   And yes, we seen animals.  God is just so awesome.  To look at the animals he created and how beautiful each one is, is just mind boggling.   I am not a bird person but I did like the green parrots and I surprised myself, one of my favorite animals of the night was a poisonous frog.  They were beautiful.

  Wednesday I got to help with our Community Christmas where over 500 families were able to come and get Christmas gifts for their families.  I love the feeling of getting to help people.  It was nice helping and I look forward to it every year.   My niece helped this year and it was nice to share the experience with her.  Mike was upset he didn't get to help this time.   Maybe next year.  I pray I can continue this every year. 

   And then today was Peyton's first Christmas party and of course I was not missing that.  We had a great time together.  My daughter even got to come and watching her with her daughter, just enjoying a simple children's party was special.   I love being a mother and a grandmother.  Even though it was been rough at times and right now we are really having some rough times, I know God is right here with me.  He will never leave me.  He WILL get us throught this.  He gave me this week to remind me of that.  Thank you Lord for always being there for me. 

  December 1, 1994 my dear mother passed away.  Yes, it has been 15 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.  I am really struggling with it.  I cried most of the day yesterday.  My emotions are all over the map.  I dont know why some years are harder than others.  My husband is sick.  He wont go to the doctor and I am worried about him.  I hope it is not the H1N1 flu.  He is just not getting better.  Please pray for him to get better quickly and not have the flu.

  I did put up our Christmas tree today but I didnt want too.  Most of you know Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I would leave my tree up year round if my husband would let me.  I am just so depressed.  I am normally an upbeat person.    I dont like this place I am at.  I hope I can shake this off quickly.  I have Keagan today and he is so adorable.  He has this smile that lights up a room.   Instead of feeling sorry for myself,  I need to get up and thank God for what I have.  Maybe I just needed to write my feelings out.  I already feel some better.  Sorry for such a boring post.

  Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days of my life.  I can't imagine how hard it was for Andrea.   I sat with a mother who had just lost her child.  My heart was breaking for her.  There was nothing I could say or do to help her.  I have never felt so useless in my life.   It was my husband ex-wife and she asked for me.   I don't know why she wanted me but I went in and sat with her.  I held her hand and hugged her and just let her cry.   She told me Amber was saved but she had talked her out of being baptized.  I told her that with Amber being saved she was okay.  I just pray God gives her strength and comfort to get through this.  The accident happened right outside their front door. 

  Some of you know my son Josh is in jail.  He got addicted to drugs really bad and really quick.  He is in their drug rehab and has been for some months.  He is doing so much better now but he won't get out until February.   He is all alone in his grief.  Mike and I went and got to sit with him for awhile yesterday.  He might get to come to the funeral.   We have to get his lawyer to go before the judge and see.   Please say a prayer for him.  I can't imagine losing a sister.  She was his half sister but that doesn't matter.  She was family. 

  Brandon is taking it hard too.  We spent alot of time with him yesterday.  He doesn't understand why. We have talked with him and prayed for him.  I dont know what else to do for any of them. 

  Let me tell you a little about Amber.  She was this beautiful little girl.  She always had a smile on her face.  She always wanted to hug you and say I love you.  She was a special person who I will miss.  I have babysat for her when she was younger.  You might think this was odd as this was my husband's ex-wife's child but she was always the boys half sister.  She always wanted to come to our house and hang out with us and that was okay.  She loved to bake cookies with me and my girls.  She loved her brothers very much.  I don't know why I posted this blog.  It was on my heart.  My heart is breaking for this family right now.  Pray that I can help them in any way possible.  Pray for them as they say good bye to a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend, a cousin.  Amber touched alot of lives in her short life.  Thank you God for allowing me to know her.